Quotes that Inspire – Part One

I am a reader. Quotes have a sweet spot in my heart. I love to read quotes.

People who coined something witty or wise, or both, inspire me with their words.

This series features quotes that affect me. Inspire change or give hope or just impart wisdom. Some just make me laugh!

Today’s wisdom:

Your beliefs become your thoughts,

Your thoughts become your words,

Your words become your actions,

Your actions become your habits,

Your habits become your values,

Your values become your destiny.

Mahatma Gandhi

My take away from this:

Our thoughts and beliefs run our lives! This quote makes me realize that most of my anxieties and problems start in my head.

I need to think about what I think about.

And is what I believe serving me? If not, maybe I could change them…


Walk Your Way to Fitness… and Health!

Fitness and Health. These words inspire many of us to get off the couch. Or make us feel guilty for not getting off the couch!

There are so many fitness crazes out there, so many exercise programs. These can confuse us and also be full of contradictory information and advice. What to do and where to start?

Walking is a simple way to get your fitness started. Many people will want more challenging exercise and training, but for some of us, walking will be a huge part, maybe our entire fitness program.

Walking daily is a goal that almost all of us can do. We can all make the time and our lives will be richer for it.

Walking has tremendous benefits for our health and for our peace of mind.

Benefits of a daily walk:

  1. Walking is free — you can do it anywhere and you don’t need special equipment besides shoes you can walk in. Although, some people like walking in bare feet, nothing wrong with that! You can ground with the earth and connect with the energy of the earth. Just walk barefoot only in safe areas, such as a clean beach if you are lucky enough to live close by!
  2. You can walk at any pace. You get to choose the speed and intensity of your walk.
  3. Walking is low impact and has a low risk of injury.
  4. Walking helps reduce your blood pressure and makes your heart healthier.
  5. Walking reduces the risk of developing diabetes.
  6. Walking improves fitness.  I suggest slowly increasing the pace of your walking.  If your health permits keep working up the pace until you are walking briskly. This brisk walking can improve physical functioning and improves cardiac fitness.
  7. Walking will help your brain, improving your cognitive functioning.
  8. Walking can help you with depression and anxiety. More well-being anyone?
  9. Walking helps to keep your body weight stable and lowers your risk of obesity.
  10. Walking with friends is an excellent way to maintain friendships.  It can strengthen social connections and reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness. Loneliness can be harmful to your health. I wrote about loneliness here.
  11. Walking can spark creativity. Many people have great ideas while out walking.

Nothing like a nighttime stroll to give you ideas. ~J. K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, spoken by the character Mad-Eye Moody

12. Walking gets you out in nature. In Japan, people have started a movement called “Forest Therapy”. Scientists studying this have found that strolling through trees can lower the stress hormone, cortisol, and improve the immune system.

Those who think they have no time for exercise will, sooner or later, have to find time for illness. -Edward Stanley

 If we take 30 minutes daily to get outside and walk, our health and happiness will improve.

For those of you who feel that you are ‘Just too busy right now…’; I urge you to put your health and well-being above your other priorities. Health really is of the greatest importance.

If you really cannot spare 30 minutes, as you are far too busy to get out there; perhaps you could try taking a “walking” meeting, or getting some phone calls done while out walking. Or go walk at lunch or before work in the morning.

The benefits are worth it.

That’s all for now — my walk awaits!



Michelle Fyfe has been a pharmacist for over 25 years and is passionate about using holistic, natural methods of achieving true health; developing new, healthy and simple lifestyles with a side effect of increased energy, happiness and fulfillment. She is working on her first book called: The Five Keys to Health — A Pharmacist’s Guide to Holistic Living.

Follow her blog — Healthy Living Tribe at https://healthylivingtribe.ca

Helpful Ways to Deal with Discouragement

We have felt discouraged from time to time. It is a universal human emotion.

It comes from having plans or goals that aren’t just falling quickly into place. Or maybe it feels like things are just taking way too long. And we start to doubt ourselves.

We think about giving up. Quitting that project. “That idea was stupid anyway.” “Why did we actually think we could succeed?”

Discouragement can lead to depression and despair if it occurs often enough or if we are already battling with these in our lives.

There are some things that make discouragement worse:

  1. Not being rested. If we are tired or sleep deprived things just seem worse than they really are. We aren’t able to put things in their proper perspective.
  2. We keep missing our goals — we aren’t feeling successful in many, if any, areas of our life. If we have problems in one area of our life and then something unrelated also isn’t working out it is easy to become discouraged.
  3. We have a poor, or no, support system. Everyone needs a sounding board and at least one person to believe in us. A cheerleader to lift us up when we fall. If people close to us aren’t supportive, discouragement is easier.
  4. Fear — of what people will think, fear of failing, fear of succeeding and fear of not being good enough. Fear makes our risk of getting discouraged or giving up worse.
  5. We are believing everything we think. Our thoughts are these little-untrained monkeys running around giving us random stuff. “I am not _______ enough” is the most common self-defeating thought we have. (Fill in the blank with your own specific belief.)

If you are feeling discouraged about your project, your writing, your creative endeavours, or your life, then now is the time to look at your discouragement as a catalyst for change. Use this time of feeling down to start again.

Here are some useful things that you can do to turn your discouragement into inspiration and positivity:

1. Use it — it is a message. Look at what you are doing. Change something, in your approach, your message, your timing, whatever. Reorganize things, even just slightly. Try a new approach.

2. Take care of yourself. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Sleep affects our mental state profoundly. If you aren’t getting enough — fix this first. I promise it will be worth it.

There is no easy answer to how much sleep you actually need or should get. We are all different and our need for sleep can vary widely.

On average, adults need about 7 hours per night, with the general range being 7–9 hours. Older adults have the same basic needs. A child needs more sleep, as do teenagers.

3. Find a support group or person. It can be even here on Medium. People who see what you are trying to do and will only offer constructive criticism and praise.

Stop hanging around and feeding the haters and non-supporters. Just say no.

People need to feel valued and listened to. Our creative endeavours and ideas and goals are babies. They need to be treated with care.

Don’t be afraid to get constructive criticism. We need this to improve.

Ask for help if you need it — a mentor, or even a helpful, friendly voice — can be a huge asset.

4. Start questioning your thoughts. Often we can get stuck in negative cycles of thought and, worse yet, believe them.

You don’t have to believe your thoughts. Start questioning the ones that are causing you depression, discouragement and stress.

Just start by noticing the thought and then just ask, “really?” or some other version.

And, yes, you are enough.

5. Go for a walk outside. Or do something physical. Moving can help release more positive endorphins, plus you get a break.

And don’t forget to really breathe. Breath is a bridge between our body and mind (yoga philosophy here) and we often our breathing is shallow. Breath deeply and mindfully on your walk.

6. Stop comparing yourself to others. It is very easy to get discouraged when you look and see how well other people are doing.

Comparision is the thief of joy. I wrote an article about this unhealthy habit we can easily fall into and how to stop this behaviour.

7. Remember your successes. Even if they are small. Remind yourself of the strengths you have. Celebrate your wins. We all have them.

If you really cannot think of any, ask a loved one to tell you some! Be proud of what you have accomplished so far!

8. Remind yourself of the big picture. Rome wasn’t conquered in a day. Good things take time. All the cliches have a common element. Persistence wins.

James Dyson, inventor of the Dyson Vacuums, failed more than 5000 times trying to find the version of his vacuum that actually worked. It took more than 15 years to be successful. Now he is the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company.

Do not underestimate the power of patience, persistence and looking at the big picture.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill

Thank you.


Michelle Fyfe has been a pharmacist for over 25 years and is passionate about using holistic, natural methods of achieving true health; developing new, healthy and simple lifestyles with a side effect of increased energy, happiness and fulfillment.

Follow her blog — Healthy Living Tribe at https://healthylivingtribe.ca

Follow her on Medium   – https://medium.com/@michellefyfe


Ten Easy Ways to Become Healthier and Happier

We all want to be healthy. Often we take our health for granted. Many of us will ignore taking care of ourselves until we develop some kind of illness or condition that slows us down.

It is a shame that we wait.

Health is not valued till sickness comes. Thomas Fuller

There are some easy ways to start a healthier, happier and more fulfilled way of life.

  1. Start cooking more meals at home and eating out less. You will not only get more nutrition, eat fewer calories but you will save a ton of money.
Photo by Alyson McPhee on Unsplash

2. Stop drinking any type of sweetened drink. Coffees, soda pop, juices, whatever. If it is sweetened, even artificially, stop drinking it. Or at least slowly start to wean yourself off of these liquid calorie and sugar bombs.

3. Move your body for at least 30 minutes a day.

Walking is nice.

4. Decrease sugar consumption. I’ve written about the dangers of sugar before here, but I want to stress it again. Sugar is literally poison and is strongly addictive.

5. Connect with someone, a real person, every day. Loneliness and isolation aren’t healthy and contribute to anxiety and depression. My article on loneliness talks more about the health risks and what you can do to battle it.

6. Eat fruits and veggies. Lots. Daily. There is a plethora of scientific evidence showing the benefits of a high intake of plants.

7. Supplement your diet. I recommend a Vitamin D supplement, Omega-3 supplement and a good well-rounded multivitamin. This ensures any gaps in your diet are mostly covered. Other supplements can possibly help if you have certain medical conditions.

8. Work on your sleep. Try to clean up your bedtime routine so that you can get 6–8 hours of sleep. We all have a sweet spot. Find out how much sleep you need for optimal alertness and health.

9. Find your passion and try to spend as much of your free time following this. Passion will fuel your creativity, happiness and fulfillment of life.

Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you. Oprah Winfrey

10. Avoid negative people, negative substances and negativity in general. If you focus on being positive in the world and bringing mostly positive things into your life, your life will feel more blessed.

Take care and live with purpose!



Why Our Social Media Activity Needs to Change

More and more people globally are using and interacting with social media all the time. Social media use is just going up. It’s not going away.

Facebook is the most actively growing social media site followed closely by WhatsApp and Instagram.

How are we using social media? It can make a huge impact on our lives and the lives of our network and so it’s a good idea to evaluate your usage.

I use it to keep in touch with my family and friends. It has become much more routinely used that a simple text or (gasp!) a phone call. I sometimes wonder if I even need a phone plan — maybe I just need access to wifi? Anyway, I digress.

My concern is the content that we are contributing to these social media sites.

Are we posting content and comments — oh especially those comments — that make the world a better place?

My personal unease comes from the fact that so much of what we see on media, social media too, is negative and critical.

Too negative.

Yes, there are numerous things in society that we don’t like and DO need to change. But I believe that change MUST start with myself. And then spread to my close family and friends, then our community, then the country, then our world.

As globalization expands and borders blur, our messages on social media can impact someone in another part of the world instantly.

Don’t we want to impact positively?

The butterfly effect — where a small initial change can lead to a more dramatic and far-reaching change — can happen with social media.

If we promote hate and violence, and our comments are hateful, racist and condescending — are we spreading a seed of hate, through the butterfly effect? Perhaps we are.

I am not saying ignore the negative and upsetting news stories. It’s not good to hide our heads under the sand.

I am simply hoping that more and more people will spread helpful ideas, positive ways to change things, good news, and be supportive with their global brothers and sisters.

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi

Because social media is so pervasive in our society today we can affect a change simply by promoting positive change within our circle of influence.

Maybe we don’t need to make that hurtful comment. Or share that hurtful story. Maybe we could all find solutions instead? Helpful solutions.

I have resolved to not promote any story of hate or negativity. I want our world to be more positive. And it starts with me — and my social media activity.

Thank you,


Do You Know All the Dangers of Soda?

“Carbonated soft drinks account for more than 27 percent of Americans’ beverage consumption.” (Liquid Candy — How Soft Drinks are Harming Americans’ Health — Michael F. Jacobson, Ph.D. ) 

This is an amazing statistic, that is a huge percentage. And it is negatively affecting our nation’s health.

Many people feel that these drinks are safe and no big deal. However, the evidence is out there showing the harm that these beverages cause. Despite the research, the companies making these drinks often promote them as “good” choices for our diet.

The soft-drink industry has consistently portrayed its products as being positively healthful, saying they are 90% water and contain sugars found in nature.

A poster that the National Soft Drink Association provided to teachers in the past stated:

As refreshing sources of needed liquids and energy, soft drinks represent a positive addition to a well-balanced diet…   These same three sugars also occur naturally, for example, in fruits…   In your body it makes no difference whether the sugar is from a soft drink or a peach.  (National Soft Drink Assoc. “Soft Drinks and Nutrition.” Washington, DC)


Also, look at this comment made by M. Douglas Ivester, Coca-Cola’s chairman and CEO, defending marketing in Africa, who said:

Actually, our product is quite healthy.   Fluid replenishment is a key to health…  Coca-Cola does a great service because it encourages people to take in more and more liquids.  (New York Times. May 26, 1998, p.D1)

Again, wow!

In fact, soft drinks pose health risks both because of what they contain (for example, sugar and various additives) and what they replace in the diet (beverages and foods that provide vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients). (Liquid Sugar Report)

A typical 12 ounce soft drink contains about 10 teaspoonsful of sugar. This is a large pile of sugar that most of us are drinking thoughtlessly every day!


There are many dangers to our health that we expose ourselves to when we drink soda and other sweetened drinks. Here are some of the striking facts:


• The preponderance of scientific evidence shows that consumption of sugar drinks promotes weight gain.

• Caloric beverages contribute to weight gain more than solid foods because the body doesn’t compensate fully for beverage calories by reducing calorie intake later in the day.

• Adults who drink one sugary drink or more per day are 27 percent more likely to be overweight or obese than non-drinkers, regardless of income or ethnicity.


• Drinking one sugar-sweetened beverage per day is associated with an 18 percent increase in the risk of developing type 2 diabetes. Sugar-sweetened beverages were linked to a higher risk of diabetes even after accounting for their impact on weight.

• Consuming one or more sodas per day increases one’s risk of developing type 2 diabetes by 26 percent compared to those who rarely consume such drinks.

• Diabetes is the seventh-leading cause of death in the United States.

• Diabetes can result in various health complication such as heart disease, stroke, blindness, kidney failure, and premature death.

We are facing a diabetes epidemic right now — and our consumption of these deadly drinks is a huge contributor!

Non-alcoholic fatty liver disease:

• Daily consumption of sugary drinks for a period of six months increased fat deposits in the liver by 150 percent, which directly contributes to both diabetes and heart disease.

Tooth decay: 

• Consumption of sugary drinks — especially more acidic carbonated drinks — promotes dental caries and erosion.

• In fact, for each additional sugary drink consumed per day, children may be at a 22 percent increased risk of developing dental caries.

• Untreated cavities can lead to pain, infection, and tooth loss.

Heart disease: 

• Consuming two or more sugar-sweetened beverages per day is associated with a 35 percent increased risk of coronary heart disease in women. A related study in men found a similar sugar drink–heart disease link.

(These stats are all from a 2017 report at https://cspinet.org/resource/facts-health-risks-sugar-drinks).

If all you did was stop drinking soft drinks, or any sugary drink — you would take a huge step forward in your health.   You will most likely lose weight and you will become healthier! 

You can start by increasing your water intake and slowly, or cold turkey stop drinking these beverages.  Try drinking water, sparkling water, teas, coffee – don’t add sugar!

If you don’t like water then try flavoring your water with slices of berries, cucumber, mint leaves, cinnamon or another favorite spice!

Here’s a creative ‘commercial’ hoping to change our soft drink consumption.

YouTube Video

A collaboration with Alex Bogusky, Lumenati, and Daughters & Howard, this video appropriates Coca-Cola’s legendary “Hilltop” ad and features real people suffering from real soda-related diseases.

Take care,


Call Me Controlling? This is what I really think about that!

I’ve been called a lot of names. Some good, some bad. I’m sure we all have.

Recently I heard I was called “controlling”.

At first, I confess to feeling a rush of anger, who wouldn’t? But then as I sat with the knowledge and the feeling, I realized that, okay I have been called worse and that I truly wasn’t exhibiting controlling behaviour.

What was going on? These people were confused.

What exactly is controlling behaviour?

  1. Controllers try to distance you from your family and friends. By criticism or out-right preventing you from spending time or having contact with your friends and family.

2. Threats — towards you (punishments that will happen to you), or towards them (self-harm, as in “ I’ll kill myself if you leave me”).

3. Making “if, then” statements — such as “IF you do this for me, THEN I’ll do that for you”. Conditions for love and acceptance.

4. Keeping score. Not ever good in a healthy relationship.

5. Jealousy, often unwarranted. Checking up on you, checking your texts and emails.

6. Assuming you are guilty of something — not assumed to be innocent.

7. If they are angry, then it is your fault, you did something to “make” them angry. They don’t assume responsibility for their own feelings.

8. Making fun of your beliefs, or the beliefs of your friends and family.

9. Needing to know where you are at all times, who you are with and what you are doing.

10. They don’t hear your side of the story.

11. Persuade you or coerce you into doing something you would rather not. Such as having sex, taking drugs, going somewhere you don’t want to go or doing things you don’t want to do.

12. They instill doubt in yourself. They try to make you question yourself. They want you to be insecure so that you won’t leave them — that’s the truth they don’t admit to themselves or anyone.

13. Using tears, guilt or anger to get you doing what they want.

What did I do to be called controlling?

Well, I stated something I wanted, in clear terms. Yes, actually out-loud.

The situation: I was co-hosting a family games night (the other host whose house it was at also agreed and wanted this) and stated ‘ no alcohol’. This was due to the fact that some of my family are underage and clearly alcohol wasn’t needed to play a few games and visit.

Was this controlling?

Look at the facts of what controlling actually is again.

No — What I did was be assertive and decisive and clear. And possibly outspoken. Thanks. I want to be those things.

I have opinions, and I have a right to my opinion.

This article recently published in HuffPost states:

There’s a thin line between letting go of an unhealthy desire to control and letting go of the healthy drive within all of us to be heard, to influence, to have impact.

Often we are labelled as controlling when really we are being assertive and expressing our true desires and needs.

Women are often labelled controlling or a b**** if they know what they want and state it. This mislabelling can happen to men also, but not as often, men are used to men stating their opinions.

If you look underneath the label of “controlling” and find … a desire for agency, for expression, for your own needs to be met, if you find your voice and your heart, know that that’s not something to let go of. It’s something to cultivate. 

Agency is a gift, and it’s something very different from control.

So to those who called me a controlling #***#, please look up controlling in the dictionary and also thank you for recognizing that I have a voice. And I am not afraid to use it.

I celebrate the fact that I know what I want, what I will put up with and how I think and feel about ideas. I want that for my friends and family too.

I don’t care if these men think me controlling — perhaps it is a sign of their fear or intimidation. Not sure. It is their issue.

What other people think of me is none of my business — Wayne Dyer

May we all express our true selves, may we be kind in that expression too and let’s put an end to these negative labels and see things for what they really are.

Let’s celebrate our voices and right to be heard.

At the Healthy Living Tribe, we embrace all things that will make us healthier, happier, more fulfilled and able us to be ourselves, living authentically.


Ten Smart Strategies for Losing Weight and Keeping it Off!

There is no shortage of advice and how-to’s on how to lose weight. Many of these ideas and diets do work, especially in the short-term. However, once you stop the diet then the weight comes right back!

There are some simple strategies that you can implement in your lifestyle that will make it easier to lose the excess pounds and maintain a healthy body weight.

One — Keep it simple. Complicated diet plans, customized to your specific genes and insulin levels and more are not necessary. Often just a simple, healthy diet full of whole foods is enough.

The easier your nutrition plan is to implement and follow, then the more likely you are to maintain it for a lifetime of healthy eating.

Two — Eat more fruits and vegetables. Vegetables and fruits are excellent sources of vitamins, minerals and numerous phytonutrients. They are also a source of filling fibre and water.

There are many easy and delicious recipes for whole fruits and vegetables which provide nutrition to heal and sustain our bodies.

Eat lots of colours of fruits and vegetables as often as possible as these colours signify a high level of phytonutrients.

A 2018 study ((http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/diet-precision-1.4543617), which compared weight loss results between two dieting groups, published by the Journal of the American Medical Association showed that it didn’t matter what diet the participants followed. The people who lose weight had the following things in common.

People who consumed the fewest processed foods, sugary drinks, unhealthy fats and ate the most vegetables lost the most weight.

Three — Move your body every day! While losing weight is 90% due to changes in your diet and nutrition, exercise helps to strengthen and tone the body.

Exercise will raise your resting metabolic rate, helping your body burn more calories at rest and has a positive effect on health: lowering depression and anxiety, lowering blood pressure, and reducing the risk of certain cancers such as breast and colon cancer.

Walking daily is an easy and pleasant way to keep your body moving. Make it as brisk as you can handle for increasing periods of time. And have fun — walk in nature, with a friend, a pet or with music.

If you don’t use it, you will lose it. Keeping fit physically will be a huge blessing when you get older. Keeping strength and flexibility in your muscles will reduce age-related problems.

Four— Eat slowly and mindfully. Many of us eat while we are watching TV or reading, my personal favourite. The problem with this approach is that we are just not paying attention.

We often stuff ourselves quickly and then feel bloated and sick. It takes about 20 minutes to feel that “full” feeling. Try eating slower and eating less.

Slow down! Put your fork down between bites. Only eat; don’t watch TV or read a book.

Conversation can also be distracting, but eating with friends and family is fun and healthy, just make sure to pay attention to what and how much you are eating. The fork trick will help!

Fifth — Drink more water. Water is vital to our health. We are chronically dehydrated as a society and this has its own health problems but also affects our weight.

People who drink more water tend to lose more weight as more water helps you to burn calories and can lower hunger. Often we are just thirsty when we feel hunger.

Have a big drink of water before you eat!

Six — Cut out or dramatically reduce sugar intake. Sugar makes you fat. Simple as that, it is excess calories with no nutritional value and it is stored as fat in the body and increases inflammation.

Try not to replace the sugar in your diet with artificial sweeteners! They aren’t any better, some are synthesized from harmful chemicals and they have been shown not to help with weight loss.

Also, start training your taste buds to dislike really sweet tastes. Sugar is addictive and getting off sugar can take some time. But once you do it is worth it and you will eventually find that the cravings for sugar are finally gone!

By cutting out sugars for just a three-month period last year, I was able to lose weight and improve my health.

My article on sugar goes into more detail here. This is a habit that would be great to follow for your entire life. I promise once you break the sugar habit that it will get easier!

Seven — Reduce processed foods.

An easy policy is to try to eat food that was food 100 years ago. Michael Pollan’s simple diet advice from his book In Defense of Food: An eater’s manifesto is:

Eat Food. Not too much. Mostly Plants.

This is such wonderfully simple advice. Processed food can be full of harmful chemicals or at least mostly devoid of nutrition, providing simply empty calories. Often it is high in sugar and bad fats.

Eight — Eat healthy fat and stop eating bad fats. The problem of obesity and overweight isn’t the fat we eat; fat is critical in our diet.

We need dietary fats for life, health, body functioning and, when eating, taste and satiety (fullness). It is time to start accepting that dietary fat is essential for health.

So many of us though, are eating the wrong kinds of fats. And this is contributing to our poor health. There are good and bad fats and it is important to really know and understand the difference.

Good fats are generally unsaturated, monounsaturated or polyunsaturated fats. Some examples of food sources of healthy fats are cold-water fish, flax seeds, avocados, olive, nuts, seeds and soybeans.

Coconut oil, although mostly a saturated fat, is considered healthy because it contains MUFA’s (Medium chain fatty acids) which has many health benefits, including possibly aiding in weight loss.

Bad fats are usually the saturated fat and trans-fats. Found in fast food, processed foods and fried foods.

Choosing wisely what type of fat you eat will make a huge difference in your health.

Nine — Only eat until 80% full. “Hara hachi bu” — the Japanese manta — which Okinawans (a Blue Zone community) follow, means to stop eating your meal when you feel about 80% full.

We don’t need to feel stuffed.

People who live long and healthy lives generally don’t eat until they are totally full. (See my article on blue zones here.) And they eat smaller meals in the evening.

Take away — Try implementing the 80% rule in your life.

Ten — Avoid extreme diets. They are hard on your body and most people gain back all the weight they lost. Try to find a healthy, nutritious lifestyle that you can maintain, with pleasure, for life.

Losing weight and keeping it off can be a challenge. These are simple (not always easy!) tricks to help get you started on healthy habits.


How and Why to Stop Destructive Comparing!

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt

Teddy’s got that right! It’s something we all do. We want to see how we stack up in our communities. Are we doing things right? Do we fit in?

We all want to be the best at something or at least competent and “normal”. And how do we find out if we are? Why, we look around and see how others are doing, how they look, how much they have or what and how are they doing it.

In all aspects of your life, comparison can lower any sense of pride and enjoyment. It really does rob you of your happiness and contentment.

Why does the simple act of comparing yourself to others make you feel so bad?

 1.  Often we compare our worst to someone else’s best — we aren’t comparing the same thing.

2.  We often see only what that other person is putting out there — and yet we know all of our dark and scary sides. This is a totally unfair comparison. We are the hardest judge of ourselves because we know all our negative aspects.

3.  You will never be at the top. Someone somewhere is better than you.

Because we have access to so much information today, we can see so many talented people achieving truly great things.

Needing to be the best or at the top is pointless. And this knowledge, if we dwell on that, can make us feel like giving up and not trying to be our own best self. Leading to a quiet despair.

4.  We are too hard on ourselves. We compare our flaws that we have looked at under a microscope or a magnifying mirror, to someone’s air-brushed, salon primped best. Not a fair comparison.

5.  Comparison can take you out of your enjoyment of the moment. For example, I love yoga and am fairly flexible, but I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others in my yoga classes.

This takes me out of the enjoyment of the moment, can possibly also make me feel bad or inferior, or conversely, superior.

None of this helps my yogic journey. Yoga is about oneness with body and breath, not about who is the most stretchy. It is not a competition. As the saying goes, it is a yoga practice, not a yoga perfect. My look around to see where others are at deprives me of personal satisfaction and inner peace.

Time to stop this useless and harmful practice!

How to stop comparing yourself to others:

1. Practice gratitude daily. This habit, more than any other, will shift the focus from what you don’t have or can’t do to what you do have and can do. So dig out that gratitude journal!

2. Remind yourself that the people you are comparing yourself to have areas of their life that aren’t perfect. 

For example, if you compare your looks to a certain celebrity, but forget the fact that they have been divorced three times and have an addiction problem, you miss the fact that your happy relationships and clean living are far more important than that perfect nose (which they probably paid for!).

Again, you are comparing their best to your worst. Unfair to anyone.

3. Focus on your own future. Clean up your life. If you are truly unhappy with an area of your life, start changing it. Start small and be consistent. You will find satisfaction in this.

4. Only compare yourself to your own self. Realizing that no-one is perfect and that some things in life DON’T improve with age, (hello fine lines — but maybe that is an improvement), work on competing with yourself only.

Can you do a plank for 10 more seconds than you did 2 weeks ago? Awesome, that’s improvement! And you should be proud.

Comparing yourself to the world record holder of planking,( 8 hours! omg) takes away from your achievement and robs you of the satisfaction of your own progress.


5. Learn more about yourself. Journal, try new things, spend time alone and find out what you really want.

Social media, the ultimate in comparison sapping joy activity, can trick us into thinking our life needs to be a certain way. That we need to be a certain way, act a certain way, talk a certain way and certainly look a certain way. But is that what we REALLY want?

Taking the time to really explore our true wants and desires can help us reduce comparisons to others. We are all different, thus our wants and desires, and yes our lives, should be different.

6. Stop judging others. The more we judge, the more we feel judged by others.

You can bet that someone who feels people are very judgemental is exactly that, judgemental. Judging others makes us feel worse and truly says more about us than the poor people we are passing judgements upon.

We truly don’t know what is going on, really going on with someone. The more we tend to judge, the more we will be comparing ourselves to others and lessening our joy.

Working on stopping our comparing mind and opening up our hearts and mind to more gratitude will increase our capacity for joy and contentment.

Time to appreciate what we have!

“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Thank you.


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